I will not buy your daughter’s Girl Scout cookies — at least not from you.

As you might guess, this statement makes me unpopular with a certain type of mother. I’ve come to expect the disparaging, unbelieving glances, usually shot at me from over the top of their glasses, when I turn them down. It’s as if I’m some vile scourge because I politely refuse to buy more cookies than is humanly possible to eat in a year.

Trefoiled Again - No Thanks

No thanks.

But let’s think about this a minute. There’s something like 200 million boxes of Girl Scout cookies sold each year (2007 figure), which means these things are the confectionery equivalent of National Geographic back issues. On the economic level, I simply can’t afford to buy from every mother who shills them for her children.

This isn’t to say I won’t buy Girl Scout cookies at all.

I will gladly buy cookies from those enterprising girl scouts who go out and sell them themselves, one-on-one, face-to-face. You ring my doorbell, ask me to buy some cookies, and I’ll throw down for a box or two. Because these are the girls who are taking a risk, working hard, and developing skills that will serve them well in life. The lessons learned from this experience are so much greater than having mom strong arm her co-workers into buying multiple boxes of cookies.

So mothers, don’t come to me with that big order sheet and ask, “So how many boxes can I put you down for?” The answer will be zero every time, no matter how much you try to shame me into it.

If I really want a Girl Scout cookie, there are plenty of alternatives. And if I really wanted a cookie with the Girl Scout branding, there’s an app for that.

But, I don’t really want a Girl Scout cookie. I prefer candy bars.

 

Written by Tom Fassbender

An amateur hobbyist, expert generalist, and outdoor enthusiast who recently traveled around the world with his family.

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