The Developmental Milestone I Didn't Need To See

The Developmental Milestone I Didn’t Need to Witness

That Which Cannot be Unseen

Parents, especially new, first-time parents, obsess over developmental milestones. And rightly so—these are really great moments in the lives of parents. For me, nothing beats the amazement of watching your child learn to read. However, there’s one milestone that isn’t in the books and that I did not see coming.

Okay, so that’s not entirely true. I did see it coming. Eventually. But I definitely did not envision me actually being there when it happened.

The Developmental Milestone I Didn't Need To See

Let me tell you a story.

On March 19,2013, I pick my gals up from school, like I do pretty much every day, we pile into the Bently* and head for home, chatting about the events of the day as we go. This is always an enjoyable part of my day. So we’re following the usual route and make the standard right turn onto a busy, one-way street and start motoring toward the freeway.

But, before we reach the on ramp, we drive by a recently installed single-hobo bivouac displaying an extraordinary number of possessions. The hobo in question is standing in front of his makeshift bed, wearing a baseball cap, ragged socks with beat-up shoes, and a pair of elastic-waistband shorts.

 Here’s the fun part.

So this fellow has his shorts pulled halfway down his thighs and he’s arranging his nether regions — right there on a busy street, a street which provides access two major highways in as many blocks, for everyone to see.

So great. Maybe no one but me noticed.

We drive in uncharacteristic silence for a few moments. Then my oldest daughter says,

“OMG. I just that guy’s … you know … stuff.”

Yeah, I knew. Then my youngest daughter says,

“I saw it, too.”

So there it is. March 19, 2013. The day both my daughters first saw a man’s penis.

People who know me have heard me say that one day my daughters will see a man’s penis, but it definitely won’t be mine.

Mission accomplished!

*Note: not really a Bentley.


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